Hello, Lovelies..

Its been a long time.


As is.


Lots of negatives in my life right now.

I've lost a lot of people recently, and I seem to have lost my mother just this past week.
I'm on my own for the first time in my life.

Its not that hard, but I AM scared.

I'm aware of my limits, and of the weakness in my body.

Most of the people in my life I've cared about are long gone. Friends and family alike.
I missed a lot of things in high school, and never had too many friends. Maybe one or two at a time, but never any more.

I was never the unfortunate to be picked last in school, for that I'm glad.
Being good at sports has its perks. (no matter how often one gets hurt in them)

Grace decided she doesn't want to be friends with me.

So the friendship I've had longest has ended, and that chapter in my life has closed.


Despite not getting much sleep, and life pushing me down constantly. I'm trying to not let it bother me.

I'm smiling, and if I'm not genuinely, I can at least pretend I'm happy.

I've been reflecting on my history relationship-wise, and realized there must be something wrong with me that I can't see.


I'm wishing I could make my shut-downs permanent. I wouldn't be able to feel much then, and I'd be as happy as I was in middle-school.


For all I'd like to die, its not time for that yet. I've got three years left to turn things around.